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Canada, Q & A

  These questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism
Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Canuck.


1. Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.


2. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.


3. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. . .


5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.


6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list
of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?


7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da
is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo
racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.


8. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we'll send the rest of the directions.


9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.


10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.


11. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.


12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.


13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)
A: You are an American politician, right?


14. Q: Can you tell me the regions on Bristish Columbia where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.


15. Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.


17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.


18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely
handled and make good pets.


19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its
name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent eating the brains
of anyone walking close to them. They love sotherns


21. Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.


22. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
 


23. Q: What about prices when shopping (Europe)
A: All price tags end with 99, bat when you pay will end on 14

 

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